For as long as I could remember, I ran, ran from God. From relationship to relationship trying to fill the voids I had deep within. When I didn't find what I needed in relationships filled with lust not love; I ran to material possessions thinking they would make me happy. I felt like I was in limbo, a weird place I couldn't seem to escape. From the outside looking in I had the perfect life, my own house, car, and plenty of money but I was dying inside!
Then my dad, my father, my friend unexpectedly passed away. I can't explain in words the pain or grief that filled my heart. I went through a deep depression. I ran to alcohol and drugs (marijuana) to numb the pain and escape my thoughts. I remember like it was yesterday. I had drunk a whole bottle of wine and was up late smoking and roaming the halls. But the pain wouldn't go away. I couldn't seem to shake it!
I cried out to the Lord and I said, "I can't do this anymore. If you don't help me, I'm going to lose my mind. I can't pretend that I'm ok. I can't pretend that I don't need you." I tried everything, relationships, drugs, parties, material possessions, career change. But none of these things filled the void I had deep in my heart.
The Lord took me to the scripture Mark 8:36, "For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul." To the world I was successful but I was dying inside. Religion teaches you; you must be all put together to come to God. But relationship says, "I will meet you right where you are and do the perfecting."
To my sister, my friend, God will meet you right where you are. It doesn't matter what you've done or how the world sees you. The only thing that matters is how God sees you and He has a plan for your life greater than anything you can imagine!